Belle’s OT Corner
Belle’s OT Corner
Regulation in Early Years Ep 5: Regulation Skill Development
In this weeks episode we discover strategies for develop self-regulation skills in children We dive into activities to create an emotional toolkit tailored for kids, guiding them to acknowledge and manage their feelings. You'll gain insights into personal regulation strategies that empower you to model emotional resilience, and in turn, teach these vital skills to your children, nurturing confidence and self-awareness.
Journey with us through the captivating world of shared problem-solving experiences, where children learn to tackle challenges creatively and collaboratively. Delve into the concept of "playful obstruction," a technique that encourages adaptability and problem-solving through deliberate, fun challenges. Whether it's a game with building blocks or guiding kids through daily tasks like getting dressed, we emphasize the power of celebrating successes and using playful elements to foster resilience and build essential neural pathways for self-regulation.
Get ready for an episode filled with valuable strategies to help your children navigate their emotional worlds with increasing confidence.
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DISCLAIMER:
Whilst I will always make evert effort to share correct information as at the date of the podcast, research is constantly happening and as a profession we learn more everyday. One therapist may have a different way of doing things to another, and every child's needs are unique. By listening to this podcast, you agree not to use this podcast as medical advice to treat any medical condition in either yourself or others Consult your child's paediatrician or therapist for any recommendations for your child.
Hi everyone and welcome back to the next episode in our regulation in early year season. So today we're going to be talking about supporting that regulation skill development in our kids. So we've had a nice big chat about what co-regulation is, what regulation is, how we can, you know, start to help kids when they're having and experiencing some of those big emotions. Today I want to flip it on its head a little bit and we're actually going to talk about okay, so less in the moment, but actually when we're calm and when we're regulated what are some activities, what are some games, some things that we can do that actually help build some of these regulation skills. So last week and if you haven't had a listen to last week, go and have a listen, because it does kind of play into this week a lot so last episode I keep saying last week, but my best laid plans did not work and it's been a bit more than a week but last episode we were talking about this idea of flipping the lid and when our thinking brain and our feeling brain are no longer connected and when this, this happens, really needing to work within that co-regulation space because the child's brain does not have the capacity to take on any sort of talking, problem solving thinking, figuring things out. It's gone, it's disconnected, and so I really want you to make sure we're remembering and when you're looking at your, to make sure we're remembering bit of leeway and oh no, that we flipped that lid. It's all in that feeling brain, it's all in that protective instincts, and so we're going to use all of our lovely co-regulation strategies that we talked about, and so, if the chart has flipped their lid, that's when I want you to go back to the episode on supporting three big emotions and the episode on co-regulation, because they're the main supports that we're going to be using, using all of those high intensity sensory activities, using that deep breathing where I'm just going to sit here and model that with you. I'm going to allow the child to feel that emotion, because that's really important too. What we're going to be talking about today is the other side of that, and what we can do to help build some of these self-regulation skills when we still have access to our thinking brain. So, before we flipped our lid, when we can still do a bit of thinking, or after we've had a big emotion and we've calmed down properly so that we have access to that thinking brain again and are in a space where we can talk about what just happened and how we can start to build some of these supports, to start to teach and help our kids to develop some of these self-regulation skills.
Speaker 1:Now again, quick little caveat I do not expect any child to be able to self-regulate all of the time, and that's in early years, all the way up into adulthood. Because I cannot self-regulate 100% of the time, I need supports from my co-workers, I need support from my family, I need support from my friends to help me notice when I might be having a bad day, particularly if I'm sick or I'm not feeling too well. My regulation will be completely off. Depending on a lot of health factors and time of the month. My regulation will be different again, and if I can't do it as an adult 100% of the time, I do not expect a child to be able to do it 100% of the time. But what we want to do is help them to start to develop some of these skills and develop their own confidence in acknowledging. I feel different things. All of my feelings are valid, but I can do things to shift and that impact upon how I feel, and so if I'm having a tricky day, we can start to help them build a toolkit of activities and things for lack of better word that we would call their regulation tools or their regulation toolkit. What are the activities, what's the music, what's the deep pressure that they like? What are the go-tos that we know will help them feel a little bit better? And as we think through this episode and as we go through this episode, it's a really nice opportunity as well to think of your own regulation strategies. You know, if you're having a bit of a wobbly day and it's been a tough one, what do you do to help yourself feel a bit better? What do you do to help yourself get that little bit of an extra push If I've got a really big report that I have to do and I've had a really admin heavy day and I've had enough of it.
Speaker 1:Not necessarily the healthiest coping mechanism, but I will go and get a couple sour lollies because that will help me, perk me up, bring me up and help me get through really overwhelming day. I will come home and I will put my candles on and I will have a bath and I will read a book, because that combination will help me reset, recharge my battery and feel a bit better. And so they're kind of those little top-ups that I'm doing throughout the day, or preemptive activities that I'm doing before something that I know is going to be a really big stressor, before something that I know is going to be a really big stressor. We also have the ones around. If I'm having a moment and I can catch it early enough, depending upon what it is that has stressed me or what it is that has started to dysregulate me, will change what I do in response to that. And if that is that, I recognize that I need to take a break. If that is, I recognize I need to go for a walk. If it is, I recognize I actually need a warm drink, and so I'll go and make a cup of coffee or a cup of tea, whatever those tools are.
Speaker 1:I challenge you, as we go through this episode, to start to think about your own, because actually you are the most powerful part of this for your child. The most powerful part of this for your child, because if we can model and explicitly show what we're doing and we'll talk on this a little bit later it makes it way easier for the child to start to build some of these skills as well, but I'm getting ahead of myself. We'll get to that in a second. So, as I said, the overall focus of this episode is looking at how we can help build those self-regulation skills and build the confidence in the kids in our lives, and we'll talk through some things that we can do at home, and then we'll also talk through some things that we can do within the classroom as well. For any teachers that are listening in today, and some of the ones that we talk about for home are appropriate within the classroom as well, and this is a little bit more of an early years focused episode as well, and so I do want you to keep that in the back of your mind, and if you have any questions about similar strategies that I'd use for older children or children in primary school, we can go through that as well in a later episode. So just let me know. We can go through that as well in a later episode. Just let me know.
Speaker 1:So when we want to look at this from a proactive perspective, we want to have as many shared problem-solving experiences together shared positive, shared problem-solving experiences and what I mean by that is we have a problem. We recognized it was a problem together and we figured it out together. And now that togetherness can look different. It can be the child is there with me and I solve it. But I go, wow, look at that, we did it. It might be that they start and I finish it. It might be I start, they finish it. It might be we take turns and we do bits of it together. That level can change, but the idea is that we're figuring out the problem together and celebrating the success together Because as we solve this problem, we can help. Look at, oh, I need a deep breath or I can start to embed some of my regulation strategies and we're also building that confidence in problems are okay because we can figure out our problems, and if I can't figure out my problem, I can always ask for help and I know who the people are that can help me. And so it's very multi-layered and there's lots of different bits to it, but we are going to slowly work our way through them and it all kind of blends together really nicely. But the crux of it is when we're looking at supporting some of these regulation skills. We want this shared problem solving where we figure it out together, so it has a positive outcome or it has a negative outcome, but it's okay because we've done it together and the more that we can model that and share that and go through that. If we think back to co-regulation and we think back to our neuroscience in the brain, the easier it is for the child to start to build some of these neural pathways, the easier it is for them to access these by themselves.
Speaker 1:One of my favorite ways to do this, particularly within early years, is something called playful obstruction. So playful obstruction is where we're playing a game and I'm going to deliberately make a little challenge in the game, and it could be anything from. We're driving trains along train tracks and I'm going to drive my train the wrong way, so we crash into each other, and then I'm going to make a really big deal of it. I'm going to go oh no. Oh, my goodness, what are we gonna do with the train? It's a crashing, oh no, and then see what that child does. Are we going to have a and turn it into a game of crashing, crashing, crashing? Great, we fixed the problem. We changed the game. Is the child going to go, turn around, turn around? Oh, that's right, I can turn around Thanks for helping and we can turn it around and drive the other way.
Speaker 1:It could be something like building blocks, and particularly when, you see particularly in early years as well when we're getting so many skills all at once, some can be really quite frustrating. And so if building blocks and I built the blocks, but then I'm trying to make it a bit taller and it keeps on falling down and you see that that's a real frustration for the child, well then, okay, great, we're going to playfully build blocks and we're going to build them up. And then this time I don't need to create the challenge because I'm choosing an activity that I know the challenge is already there. And so we get to the fourth block and, sure enough, it all falls down and you're going to pull on all those acting skills and we're going to get really dramatic hand to the forehead oh no, it fell down. That's so frustrating. Or, oh no, it fell down, that's okay, I can help, let's fix it together. Ready, I'm going to hold it and you put them on top, and so see how I can. And this is more of that. I'm 100% fixing the problem, but I'm helping that child and I'm very clearly explaining the steps that I'm doing. I got frustrated. I took a big breath I didn't necessarily need to label that and I went it's okay, we can fix this. I, I can help, someone else can help me and we're stepping it through that process.
Speaker 1:Playful obstruction is a really, really fun one. You can do it with hiding toys. You can do it with oh my goodness, you can do it with everything. You can do it with coloring if you color in the wrong spot, and how are we going to fix that? You can do it with putting away if your child's helping put away some dishes or stacking things back in the cupboard and you could put something in the wrong spot and go oh no, oh, so silly, that's all right, you can fix it. You know you can do it with your toothbrush if you use the wrong end of your toothbrush. Just again, going back to that playful side of our children working within, within the playful space, being silly, creating problems and then figuring out how to solve them together, and it's a lot of fun too. You know. It's great for the kids, but also I have a lot of fun when I play within playful obstruction and it's also a really nice one to build some of those relationships with our little ones as well, and so I started to chat about it before, particularly with the blocks.
Speaker 1:But the other the next thing that we're going to talk about is a really powerful strategy is talking through the challenge, and this could be a challenge that you've created, like in playful obstruction. This could be a challenge that they're having and that you've seen, and so maybe, for example, your child is what should we have your child do? Maybe your child's getting dressed and they really want to be independent, but they're not quite there yet and it's really frustrating and all you want to do is just jump in and get them dressed and fix it for them, but they really want to do it themselves. And when you try to jump in and get them dressed and fix it for them, but they really wanted to do it themselves, and when you tried to jump in, they got really frustrated with you because they wanted to be independent. And so what we could do in this situation is I'm going to talk it through. Oh, you're trying to get dressed all by yourself, but it looks a little tricky. Let's see how you go. I'm here to help. If it gets tricky, I can help and then they get stuck. Oh no, you're stuck. What are we gonna do? Oh, it's scary, it's okay, let's fix it together. Let's push, push, push. Let's pull, pull, pull, hold here, tug, whatever the steps are. But I'm not fixing it for you. Or even if I am, I'm telling you exactly what I'm doing. I'm talking you through the challenge.
Speaker 1:And when we think about talking through the challenge, the really important bits are validating their feeling. Oh no, you're stuck, it looks like it's scary. Oh, that's really frustrating, that's really hard. It doesn't necessarily have to be a specific feeling, but validating that situation. We can ask a lot of open-ended questions.
Speaker 1:We can use things like depending upon, if you've got a little bit of thinking still and they're not really upset yet and they're just maybe stuck in, a little bit annoyed, well, that's what we can then do. Oh, okay, I wonder if we keep pulling. I wonder if. What would we do if we? Should we use our leg? No, that's silly. What if we use your arm? Can your hand hold it? And I'm helping through that thinking and giving that brain something to focus on, that knows that we're going to figure it out together, because I'm not jumping in and just saying come on shirts on problem's fixed. Now don't get me wrong. Sometimes I definitely will just jump in and go fixed because it's not worth it, particularly if they're flitting into that, flipping the ledge, and you know that if we don't fix this pretty quickly we're going to be having a really big emotion. So in those cases, jump in, fix it. If you catch it early and you have that time. I wonder what if we used your knee? No, no, that's not going to work, let's try, let's try your hand. I wonder if you hold the chop and keep pulling and keep pulling and keep pulling and then we start to talk it through.
Speaker 1:The third tip, which I've kind of been talking about already. But we want to find a fun way to do it and want to bring in that bit of playfulness. So, using the dressing example again, you may have heard should we use our foot, should we use our knee? No, that's not going to work. But it breaks out of that frustration and brings a bit of humor and brings a little bit of playfulness into it. Or if you know that they're going to have to do something that's tricky for them, finding a way to bring play into it. So, if it's brushing your teeth? Can we brush our teeth with a song? Do we have a little dance that we can do while we brush our teeth? Can the child brush my teeth? And you know, maybe I'm pointing and doing this one and this one and I'm going to pull in a bit of a funny voice like and then when they're doing their teeth, I might mimic the exact same funny voice so that we've got some giggles and things happening and we're doing the tricky thing and we're doing the thing that makes us feel a little bit uncomfortable in a fun way.
Speaker 1:To bring in that playful side is so so, so powerful, because if we're playing and we're enjoying what we're doing, so much easier to learn and then afterwards we can sit down and go, wow, that's a really tricky thing for you, but you did it. You kept trying, we had our little song and look at that, you did high five. That's amazing, so cool. And then you help them reflect on that and reflect on that win. And so that leads me into the last really important bit around talking through.
Speaker 1:The challenge is reflecting once we're calm and once we're in a place that we're able to, and so you can do this following a really big emotion and we've done all that co-regulation bits and it could be as simple as wow. That was really tricky, but you know what? We figured it out together mum helped, dad helped, grandma helped, granddad helped, aunt, uncle, whoever was there and we calmed down together and we figured it out. Amazing, you came and got help fantastic, or it could be the step above, which is wow. You were getting dressed and found that really tricky. It was really hard. What did we do? We took a deep breath. We tried something. It didn't work, but then we tried something different and that worked and then we helped ourselves feel better again.
Speaker 1:And so just helping them kind of think through and really celebrate the successes, them kind of think through and really celebrate the successes. And the success could be anything from asking for help, from accepting a co-regulation strategy, from accepting a regulation strategy. So if we know we're flitting and you go, I think we might need a break. Let's go and blow out some candles. Let's go and, you know, have a drink, let's go a walk, let's have a big cuddle, whatever it might be, let's put some music on. And then, reflecting afterwards, it was getting really tricky. But do you know what? We did such a good job because you went and we took a break and we had a break together and then we came back and we did the tricky thing. How cool is that? Because that ties back into that whole positive, shared, positive problem solving experiences and reflecting on those, because the kids do so much of it and if we can just really show the brain we did it and help in that reflecting space, it can be so incredibly powerful.
Speaker 1:So the last one that I want to chat about, particularly within the home strategies, is looking at using yourself, and so I did say I'd get into it and you are incredibly powerful when it comes to supporting regulation skills, particularly at home and well, in the community, everywhere really. And something that doesn't come naturally and something that I've had to work on a lot is actually using yourself as a model. Model your own frustrations, be really open and honest about them and if that's really tricky, make them up. You know it could be your cooking and you I don't know what can we do with my cooking. Maybe we're cooking and you don't have the right ingredient and your child's in the kitchen and you can just go oh, I don't have the right ingredients and I'm really frustrated, I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm going to take a breath. I'm going to take a minute. I'm going to help my body and my brain feel better, and then I'm going to take a breath. I'm going to take a minute, I'm going to help my body and my brain feel better, and then I'm going to think. And so you might sit down with them and say I'm going to join you and do some colouring and then, once you've done colouring for a minute, you might go okay, I'm going to have a think Now. I don't have the ingredients, but I can grab something else.
Speaker 1:It might be that you know it's getting really noisy and your kids are making a lot of noise and you're just going oh, mummy's getting really, really overwhelmed with all the noise, I'm just going to go and go get a drink and take a minute, and then I'll be back. And it could be as simple as that, using yourself as a tool to model to your kids frustrations, big feelings, happiness, excitement. All of these things happen. We can get overexcited and need to calm ourselves down. We can do prep activities if I know I'm going to do something tricky, and so even as simple as saying oh, I'm feeling a little worried today because I've got something quite tricky on at work, but I'm going to be okay and this is how I'm going to do it, and that's probably a little bit of an older kids one, some of these ones but you can still do it at a young age, particularly within that playful obstruction side of things. You know, you could be doing your own coloring next to your child and scribble outside the lines and pretend to get really frustrated by that and then pretend. Well, not pretend, but you pick a regulation strategy, take a deep breath, tell yourself it's okay. Any of these little strategies can be really, really powerful to then model to your child and then come back and go again. Because that's the really important bit is that we can have all of our feelings and we can come back and we can try again, alrighty. So that wraps up what some of the parent-focused strategies are and, as I said, some of those are very relevant within the school as well.
Speaker 1:I did also want to touch on a couple of school specifics. Oh, actually, before I do that, I've got the hiccups. One more that is applicable to both when we're regulated, one thing that we can do that can be very, very powerful within building regulation skills is creating plans and scripts for tricky activities. And so it could be something like maybe you know, going to the shops is really stressful for your child and you've had lots of instances of big emotions. But we can talk about this.
Speaker 1:Say, well, we're going to be going to the shops today and the shops are really tricky, so what can we bring from home? What are we going to do? And if you start to feel a little wobbly, how are you going to tell me? And so that we've already kind of created a plan for the situation. And so then, when we're at the shops, we've got our toys with us and we start to feel a little wobbly. So you go oh, I can see it, let's grab our toy. And what are we going to do with our toy? Are we going to hug our toy? Are we going to squeeze our toy really tight? Are we going to pet our toy? Are we going to play and just distract ourselves, whatever that might look like?
Speaker 1:And then, if it doesn't work and we start to get a little bit more wobbly, what was our strategy around asking for help? Was it was, you know, reach out and touch mom's arm, or does mom need to help me notice, or does dad need to help me notice and say I think it's time we take a break? All of these different things can just give you a tiny bit and I'm not saying it's a lot, but a tiny bit of extra wiggle room when we're then in the stressful situation, because it's not oh my goodness, I'm not feeling okay and I don't know what to do. It's oh my goodness, I'm not feeling okay. But hang on, we talked about this and I think I can do this. It's just that fraction of an extra little second that can help, and it can be the same as if you're going to be going on a really long walk, if you're going to be going on a really long car trip, and it's going to be really boring. Having a plan of this is going to be boring and frustrating. But here's the things that we can do in the car to help make it a bit easier, and it just gives you something to fall back on as well, because you know, in that moment, instead of being, are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? It's? Are we there yet? Oh, we're not. But remember we had choice one, two and three. Which one would you like to do? Gives you a little bit of something else to fall back on as well and can be a really powerful space. All right, oh, this episode's gonna be a little bit of a long one, but that's okay. So a couple for the classroom and put the classroom ones in, because we're thinking kind of that preschool, kinder year one or nursery reception year one.
Speaker 1:If you're in the um uk, honestly, working overseas and having to figure out the different school years has been a whole, whole mental process, but so I think kind of those really young years and what we want to be doing is having spaces that have heaps of options, of appropriate regulation strategies. Maybe it's a space to go and blow some bubbles, maybe it's a space to just go and sit. Maybe it's a space to go and blow some bubbles, maybe it's a space to just go and sit, some soft blankets that we can curl up in Somewhere where we can play some music. All of these different strategies and if you want a list, I can easily put one together, but there are heaps out on the internet as well. But having somewhere that we can start to label as this is where we can go to help ourselves feel better so that if the classroom gets too overwhelming, we can guide to label, as this is where we can go to help ourselves feel better, so that if the classroom gets too overwhelming, we can guide the child there and help them access the regulation tools and then over time, they can start to learn that this is a safer space. This is where I can go to have a bit of a break. This is a quieter space that I can access to help me feel better.
Speaker 1:Doing things like little body check-ins around how everyone's feeling and it doesn't have to be labeling emotions, it can be is everyone's body, and it could be things around like doing PE, going outside. Is everybody's body ready to run? Am I going to wiggle around or do we need to wake our bodies up? Simple little check-ins to help us start to notice some of those interoceptive cues and match my energy to the activity that I'm doing. Or if we're going to sit down for reading time, okay, everybody, let's relax those muscles, let's take some big breaths, let's slow our bodies down, and we're going to come and sit down on the carpet and we're going to read a story, and so we're just giving those extra little cues around what we can do to help our bodies get ready for the activity.
Speaker 1:The other one that we can do is adding in lots of movement breaks preemptively throughout the day, and this links back to that like proprioceptive vestibular systems and how they're so powerful at being a really important regulator and that co-regulation experience. But the extra cool bit is if we can label this with why we're doing it. So, very similar to what I was just saying around, we can do a body check in, but then we're going oh, I think we need to wake our bodies up, or I've been sitting for a really long time and I just I feel like I need to move, and so then we can put a movement break in, but we're just giving it with that extra little bit of an explanation and then we can link it to some feelings oh, I was feeling really frustrated or I'm feeling really sleepy. So this is what we can do and, again, a lot of that adult-led modeling is really powerful in this. The other one that's really fun to do and it can be a home or a school one, but works really quite nicely is if we pull up some videos on YouTube and they could be cartoons or they could be real life, little situations and things and real videos, but doing some video modeling to talk through and problem solve a situation. So maybe we stop it right as someone in the episode or in the video is getting frustrated, go, how do we think they're feeling? What could they do feeling, what could they do? And it just ties in really nicely to do some of that abstract thinking around how a feeling is, what I can do to change how I'm feeling, to help my body feel better by the end of the day. So quite quick on some of those classroom strategies.
Speaker 1:But the really important ones and they kind of link into what we were talking about before with some of those more home-based ones is looking at crux to take home as many positive, shared problem solving experiences as possible. That is the absolute bread and butter of helping start to build some of these regulation skills is we don't want to be doing it for our child all the time. There are times when we need to be doing it for our child 100% when they flip their lid and it's all too hard if we're under time pressure to get out of the house. There are times when we do it for our kids. There are also times when it is so important to have our kids be an active part of that. Let's figure it out together. It is not a you or me, it's a together, because if we figure it out together, we can then reflect on it together and we can have a really nice outcome.
Speaker 1:And it also starts to help that understanding if I can ask for help as well, I lost my train of thought and you can do that through got it back. And you can do that through got it back. And you can do that through different ways of playful instruction talking through the challenge, modeling your own frustrations, creating plans and scripts, looking at doing little body check-ins around how our body's feeling, utilizing self-reg corners, pre-emptive movement breaks and really being curious about how your child's feeling. The last one we talked about today was that video modeling and using that as a platform to talk things through about what someone could do. Lots of information for you today, guys. I hope it was helpful and next episode will be our last episode on regulation in early years.
Speaker 1:I cannot believe we're coming up to the end of season three and we're going to look at how we can use some of these regulation skills that we've talked about to support that persisting through challenging activities. We talked a little bit on it today. I want to talk about it in a little bit more detail in our next episode, and then that'll be the end of our regulation in early years. But for now, have a lovely, lovely week. If you have any questions, comments, please feel free to send me a message and, as always, share the podcast around with anyone you think might enjoy it. All right, guys, have a good one. Bye, thank you, you.